If you are unfamiliar with Spark People and you are on a weightloss journey I would suggest you check out this helpful website as soon as possible.


The reasons I endorse this website are varied. First of all, and likely the main reason is that it's completely free. This means that anyone who has access to a computer can join this group of millions of people and find inspiration, support, tools for fitness, tools for food tracking, menus, ideas, anything that you need to help you in your journey. If you have your own computer or have to go to a public library you can visit this website and use its tools.

I also like that it's private. As private as the Internet allows. You can use a user name and keep your weight private. That is a bonus for a lot of people who do not want to go to a group meeting in person.

I like that it is incredibly friendly. That it has a blog, that you don't have to use all the features, only the ones that you need, that you don't have to weigh in, just follow along with the program and go from there.

You can set up a page with your information called a Spark page and let people know in as much or as little detail as you like about yourself. This is a great page to do a picture or video journal of your success.

If you need to journal your food intake there is a place to do that, if you wish to journal your fitness progress you can journal that as well. You can log your fitness minutes. There are endless possibilities that would take too long to describe.

I would suggest you visit this amazing place and while you are at it visit the community boards and the success stories section. These are my favourite places.

And if your goal is wellness you can set your account up to help you in that journey instead of weight loss. So it can accommodate you in any way that suits you. I do this as I don't want to focus on weight loss even though I wish to meet that end eventually.




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Training has officially started. When trying to find the motivation to keep active, be fit, move and live a full and healthy life what I've found to be motivational is to have a target, a goal. I'm competitive by spirit though not governed by the urge to win so much as the urge to play.

When I made the decision to work on my physical body without the aid of the diet industry I also made the decision to spend very little money on it. I have purchased a few items, my mP3 download, some good shoes, yoga DVDs. But I have also found some wonderful programs for free on the Internet.

When I started running last year I followed the couch to 5K program. I downloaded some free podcasts to my iPod and off I went. I can't find a link to my original download but if you search with google there are multiple choices for free downloads to get you started. Or you can just run with a stop watch, as many people do.

Then more recently I discovered the one hundred push up program. I was pleasantly surprised that in the initial test I could do 11 push ups. I'm in better shape than I thought particularly since I haven't done a push up in years. I'm adding that as part of my training. I will log in my workouts and watch my strength increase until I'm up to 100 push ups! I'll be sure to share my success with you.

That all leads up to the reason I've suddenly decided to go into training! I've joined a Dragon Boat team. For those who aren't familiar this is a rowing team as in the picture above. The boats are called dragon boats Last night I went for my second practice and it is extremely hard work! Our first event is on July 18, in Waterloo Ontario and I have to be ready! I'm learning but I don't have the physical fitness to keep my proper form and I need to get in some pretty good physical condition for this. The sport itself is rather inexpensive, I may purchase a life jacket and a paddle down the road, meanwhile I'll use the equipment they supply.

So I've found my sport, I'm in training and on to the next phase of my goal of optimum fitness and health! I'm excited and cannot wait for my first race!

Oh, and for the chance to win a free hypnosis download go here. I have the weightloss download and I find it invaluable in my journey! Good luck!

Namaste



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Besides a brief set back with a macaroon I've remained completely on track. Some absolutely beautiful brown sugar strawberries got me over the hump yesterday. I realise that I am likely experiencing a hormonal shift as generally during the last week of my cycle my cravings do increase I've upped my awareness.

Today I'll have to pay particular attention because I've been awake since 3am. This means I will be very tired after dinner and likely the kids won't be. This is kind of a set up or trigger for eating for me. If I can have an early night, ignore the call of a late day caffiene fix, avoid the sugar trap for the evening and call it a night at a reasonable time I have a good chance of being successful. Meanwhile I tried on a pair of jeans from last year and they fit. They are a bit tight but they look nice. In fact my daughter complimented me on them when she came home from school.

Affirmation: There is no hurry. The journey is more important than the outcome. The outcome will be perfect. This I trust and this will guarantee success.



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Starting over! Hard to do. Craved a bunch of sweets last night but ate none of them. Now I know, three days and it'll pass so I've got day one tucked under my belt. I probably ate too many other things but, one step at a time!

One thing has struck me lately. In all my binging on the cookies I haven't once worried about weight gain. I mean I know that the result will be weight gain and likely I did put on a few ounces over the few days of sugar munching however it hasn't crossed my mind. My thoughts instead were on health and wellness and avoiding diabetes down the road...all positive thoughts, no "I've blown my diet" thoughts and that has to be a good sign.

A friend of mine was lamenting about how she was doing "insert famous diet plan here" that she was stuck, couldn't lose any more, had lost 12 lbs the first 4 weeks and nothing since. My first thought was "there isn't any fat on you so why have you started dieting?" and my second thought was "Oh, I'm so glad I'm not dieting!".

And I'm not. I eat whatever I want whenever I want. My goal is to fix my disordered eating not to lose weight. I'm hoping the weight loss continues however it's not my goal, I have no definite weight goals, I only have behaviour goals and it's making me a much happier person.

And another exciting thing. I think I've decided to take up a sport! Dragon boating which is basically competitive team rowing. They practice on Monday nights and do three competitions a season. The price is completely reasonable and I think I would absolutely love it. I love to row and to be in a boat regularly would be heaven! So next Monday I get to try it out for free so see how I feel. If I like it I will join the team! I've been looking for a sport because I like the idea of the social time of a team rather than the solitary of a gym for exercise. I will still continue to run and work out with weights and do yoga but this will be very exciting if it turns into something I want to do!

Wish me luck.

Affirmation: I am open to trying new things to find out what I actually love to do rather than what others recommend to me as exercise!





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Sugar crept back into my life and it's not a pretty picture. I'm actually quite fascinated by my complete and utter failure to avoid the trap of compulsive binging, wondering after all the self-searching and growth I've accomplished in the past while, how I possibly let myself fall back into those old habits so completely and without hesitation. One cookie, the catalyst for a binge of monumental proportions.

I thought I was ready. I thought I could handle one, just one cookie, but nope, not entirely there yet. In exploration of the past few days I found there were several events that led to my nap in sugar land.

First of all I've had visitors, my sister and her two kids and the house has had more pop, sugar, junk food of all manner occupying spaces in front of me for 10 days. It's very frustrating to see all this, it's particularly difficult to watch young girls drink diet pop regularly(my daughter has occasional pops but it's never in the house) and the donuts, muffins, oatmeal cookies were too much of a temptation for me.

Second of all, there was a neighbourhood picnic where the only thing I could eat was a potato salad and some crackers and cheese I brought myself. And of course desserts that were magnificent and oh, so tempting!

And the third reason and probably the reason I succumbed to the temptation in the first place, was the sudden and tragic death of an old friend in a motor cycle accident. I've been mourning the shock of the loss for three days, living in sort of a fog and consoling myself with all manner of goodies. In fact, the day I sampled the first cookie was the day I learned of his death. Are the two events tied together? For a compulsive and emotional eater such as myself, absolutely! The recognition of this and my mind's ability to excuse me for allowing this as an excuse is key to understanding what I do. What do I replace food with when faced with the next emotional unheaval? I must plan for that.

So now what? Well my company leaves today and whatever sweets are remaining will get dumped in the garbage. I will make myself a batch of the wonderful refined sugar-free banana muffins I love, buy my sugar-free bread again, some fresh fruit and veggies and cook myself my favourite honey-baked lentils for dinner. I will drink my healthy tea and I will listen to my weight loss hypnosis recording as I lay in bed tonight. All is not lost. Today is another day!

And this I will take from my regression. I am human, I make mistakes but I have an incredible capacity to remedy them as well. From this day forward I will again remove refined sugar from my diet. Because this time I know I can.

Affirmation: Forgiveness is key. I easily and without effort forgive myself and move forward. It takes time to re-record the new messages to replace the old in my mind. But I will succeed, I have succeeded. I will move on.



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This weekend we had a family BBQ. This was the first social event I've attended since embarking on my journey to remove refined sugar from my diet. It was a huge success.

Let me preface by saying that my sister and nieces are visiting for 11 days and this makes it difficult as well. But the lack of response to baked goods, I could seriously take them or leave them, gave me the confidence to make a double batch of chocolate chip cookies without eating a single one. I have not even been tempted to taste them.

So I thought this would be a good time to write down the steps I've taken to defeat sugar addiction and cravings.

1. I prepared to quit. I thought about it, journalled about it and then started when I was ready.
2. I only quit refined sugar and ate fruit in any quantity and type until the worst of the cravings passed.
3. I bought and used sugar-free whole grain breads and would have a slice instead of something sweet.
4. I removed all temptation from the house the first week.
5. I used an hypnosis download for weight loss from hypnotransformations.
6. I planned lots of little jobs for me to do while I was fighting the cravings
7. I journalled here.
8. I did not attempt to lose weight and just considered it a lifestyle change. I do not know if I lost weight during that time or not.
9. I decided I could and would do this.
10. I took it moment by moment and promised to forgive myself if I messed up at all.

Every person is unique but if I can do it so can you. Start thinking about it and try one day to give it up. If you can do one day, then you know you can do another and so on until you are free from the cravings. I found the first three days very difficult however the cravings dissipated after the third day and I then cut back on my fruit and bread intake.

On the weekend I sampled a fruit dip I had made for the party. I was really put off by its sweet taste. I would never have thought it possible to dislike the taste of sugar but I really couldn't eat it.

If you want to make lifestyle changes that are permanent and will result in a healthy attitude towards food once and for wall giving up refined sugar is a great place to start. And it's not all or nothing. I decided to leave the occasional glass of wine in my life as deprivation is not my goal at all. So far it is working brilliantly for me. It's over a month and counting now.

Affirmation: Today I decide again that refined sugar is currently not a part of my diet.



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When searching for a particular diet what I'm finding is that almost all of the diets allow you to eat "as much as you want" of a certain food group. The Atkins Diet says as much meat as you can eat is OK, Eat To Live says "eat a BIG salad" but limit other things. It appears that we all want a diet that lets us eat a LOT of some food, big helpings to satisfy our need to over eat.

In spending time thinking about how diets work(or don't work) I've come to the conclusion it's because they do not help us deal with the thoughts that are in our mind that say we need to eat a large quantity of food to be happy and satisfied. There is no way around it. We need to eat less food. If we cannot get our mind around that idea and then do things to reprogram the messages of excess we've been given over the years, we will fail over and over again at having a healthy relationship to our food.

Upon reading the book French Women Don't Get Fat I've discovered that the general culture frowns upon over-eating. Servings are much smaller and often people leave much of it on their plate. I remember years ago going to a very nice "fine-dining" restaurant and having my then husband complain about the size of the servings. However, we both left that restaurant quite satisfied after several courses. A small salad, a small entree meal, cheese and dessert. Very small servings of absolutely delicious food! And of course a glass of wine. We were satisfied and happy. The food, the experience, all were very positive. And no all you can eat buffet! Who would have thought.

When I think back to that meal I understand, what we need to do is find absolutely the highest quality food, eat small amounts of it slowly and enjoy it immensely.

I believe if we go back to the time of the depression we can gain an understanding of what makes us as North Americans want more food than our body needs. We were raised by children of the depression with an understanding that we have to eat all we can now while it's here because the depression left many of our parents and grandparents fearful of starving again. I certainly see that with my mother in law who grew up in depression ravaged Saskatchewan. Encouraging the children to finish all their dinner or they'll get no dessert, to eat as much as possible is certainly how she was raised. She is very moderate in her own eating however and I notice how small her servings are. She often doesn't finish all the food on her plate yet somehow feels the children should. I wonder how much she realises what she's doing.

I've made an effort to make reasonable size portions and to stop when I'm full and satisfied. I've found it's easier for me to put smaller amounts on my plate to start with and go back for a bit more if I'm not quite full than to have the food on my plate. That's when I end up over-stuffed.

I'm also making an effort to moderate the language I use with my children. I talk about being satisfied, rather than full, I do not make dessert contingent upon an empty plate and it's not a reward for a job well done eating, but rather just a part of the meal. My daughter who has the larger appetite does not eat many vegetables but she eats a lot of fruit and I let it go. My daughter who has a small appetite eats vegetables but only picks at her meals. She loves her ice cream for dessert however really doesn't like other sweets such as candy. She will eat a chocolate chip cookie.

What I do notice with both of them is they will leave ice cream in the dish when they are full, the will leave half the cookie behind. They are self-regulating their portions and that makes me happy.

As part of my growth in this journey to understanding my goal is to stop the pattern of disordered eating I'm seeing in myself at me. I will teach my children differently and help them understand, their body knows what it needs, to listen to it and to eat a comfortable amount of food that doesn't stretch and distend but rather fills and satisfies. And that high quality foods make this easier to accomplish.

Affirmation: I now only put superior fresh, seasonal food into my body, in amounts that satisfy me physically.



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My sugar cravings are gone. I won't go as far as to say I'll never eat sugar again however, as of this moment, I could take it or leave it and I'm choosing to leave it. A few weeks ago I wouldn't have even thought it was possible with careful planning and several deliberate steps I've managed to do it! The feeling of being free from cravings is incredible and one moment at a time, with mindful choices I'll remain sugar-free. I have had little to no refined sugar for about a month now and I feel absolutely no desire for any. Yes, that is a short period of time however what is different is how I feel. Physically I feel balanced and healthy. Emotionally and mentally, I've had the best premenstrual and menstrual cycle in a long time, minimal bloating, almost zero mood swings and minimal cramping.

There were several steps I took to get to this point.

1. I used an hypnosis mp3 download for weight loss from hypnotransformations. I use this regularly, it's for weight loss but I believe it still worked on this specific thing. I will continue to use it as I clean up my diet further in my goal to achieve optimal health and weight.

2. I prepared my mind before hand. I knew it would be tough and I knew I would be tempted so I went moment by moment. I didn't plan to do it forever, I still don't say I will never have sugar, I don't want deprivation to enter into my mind, so I can have sugar, but each day I chose not to. This has worked to help me defy myself because many of us crave things we "can't" have so by allowing and choosing instead of denying it helps us with that psychological hurdle.

3. I ate fruit. I gave up refined sugar only. I didn't use artificial sweeteners at all because I feel they are more harmful than sugar and keep you craving. I found a banana muffin recipe that used honey and I've made those twice however I haven't found that I crave for them particularly. I also cut out white flour at the same time, replacing it with whole wheat or other whole grain, this was accidental though because I discovered most(all?) bread without sugar are made with whole grains and are white-flour free.

4. I don't feel as though it's a diet. I feel it is more along the lines of beating an addiction so I look at it as doing something positive for myself similar to quitting smoking. I don't feel deprived at all however the need to stuff myself with a dessert at the end of a very filling meal has vanished.

5. I changed my thoughts from "I deserve a treat" to "I deserve a body that is healthy". This too cut out the idea of deprivation and worked with my psyche to reassure me I was allowed, I was just making a different choice today.

6. I did a fast for one week that didn't allow for any food consumption after sunset until sunrise. This was a great tool for getting rid of the night time baked-goods craving as I had two reasons, not just one, for not giving into the cravings. The fast was a spiritual fast where I spent time doing yoga and meditation and writing. It was very beneficial and very easy to do as I ate well all day but stopped just after 6:30pm every night.

7. I drank tons of fluid, but only herbal tea and water. I got as much sleep as I could.

8. When the cravings got tough I ate two slices of whole grain, sugar free bread with fruit. It got me through but now I don't do this. I still eat it but it's just a meal, not a way to beat sugar cravings.

8. I decided. And I keep deciding every day, that I won't have refined sugar. I remember watching an interview with Robert Downey Junior who battled drug addiction for so long but who seems to be very successful in beating it in the past few years. He was asked what the difference was this time as opposed to all the other times he'd tried and he said that this time he "decided" to do it. Previously he hadn't made the decision. He knew he should, he wanted to, he intended to, but he hadn't decided to. So yes, you have to make a definite, realistic decision to do this in order to have success.

I am very proud to have done this, even for just a month. I am doing it again today and tomorrow I plan on deciding to do it again. I try not to think beyond that because who knows what the future will bring.

I do know that if I can do it anyone can. Decide to do it, pick a date and go forward. It is possible and the health benefits cannot be underestimated. I feel better and things are clearer now.

Affirmation: Anything I choose to do I can do if I decide to do it.



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I am way overdue for an update. As I go along, still sugar-free, I'm noticing some things. First of all, I believe I had, what I would call, a reaction to some sugar. I baked some banana muffins that called for honey. I only gave up refined sugar and so I thought, why not? Well after being out all day and getting home, very hungry, I ate two of them. Later I became very ill. I felt as though I had a fever(I didn't) and I had to go lay down and cover for a while. I also felt cold, shakey and it took me a long while to warm back up. This feeling only happened once and only after I ate the muffins. Maybe I shouldn't have had two(actually, definitely I shouldn't have) however I felt so hungry I just did it. I won't do that again! If I decide to eat sugar of any kind, I will be more moderate, start out slowly.

Beyond that, today was the first day I've felt even remotely any craving for sugar. And it was mild. As a woman I also have to say, premenstrual symptoms were minimal and that is a very pleasant change. I am making another assumption here when I say this craving might be related to hormonal changes. If so, things certainly have changed in that regard!

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been reading "French Women Don't Get Fat" and I've taken to adopting some of the methods set out in the book. One things I've started doing is making my eating into more of an event. Today I set out my bread, cheese, sliced orange and some berries on a plate and my fifteen year old daughter said "That looks so professional" and it did! It looked as though it had been prepared at a restaurant. I like the idea of using nice plates and setting the food on the plate in an appetising manner. We are blessed to have good food and enjoying it as an occasion makes it feel like more of a gift.

It feels odd, I hope the feeling lasts but this is the most normal I've ever felt. I don't obsess about what I eat, I know if I want something I can have it and I am just choosing not to.

For anyone out there trying to quit sugar, here is a tip. Eat a bit more bread. I have a slice of a whole grain, sugar-free bread with fruit and it satisfied me until I got past the first few days of cravings. I no longer do that because I am not craving sugar right now. Let me clarify, I still eat it, but not for that reason, I eat it now simply because it's what I like to eat at times.

Affirmation: I eat a limited amount of sugar daily. I no longer crave sugar and I now can do without it except for very special occasions and enjoy unrefined sweets instead of refined white sugar as a treat.





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In the previous posts I have posted mainly about the spiritual fast I have undertaken and it is going well. Meanwhile, before I started the fast I had already spent several days without refined sugar in my diet. I still have not had refined sugar to any degree other than a little that was listed way down on the ingredient list on a frozen pizza I had on Mother's day.

I'm not sure I believe in the idea of sugar addiction in the sense of it being a traditional addiction. I believe, for me, I just really like the taste of sweet, baked goods and have trouble regulating. I guess it's more of a compulsive eating, maybe even a compulsive eating disorder.

I cannot think that I will never have a sweet baked item and know that when I'm ready I will eat some baked goods. I am however searching for recipes that use less refined sources and I will avoid those that have sugar as the base of the recipe.

I'm counting on the hypnotherapy to reprogram my mind so that when I'm ready I can reintroduce some treats back into my diet.

Now, let's get back to how it's been going for me, personally, without sugar.

I haven't noticed any terrible side-affects or withdrawal from lack of sugar. I have been careful to eat some perfect, natural sugar foods such as fruit and berries and sweet vegetables. I truly cannot believe that this is not a positive thing for health and I am not necessarily moderate in my consumption of these foods. My breakfast has consisted of orange, peeled and sliced, several strawberries, raspberries, and two slices of a whole grain bread with butter. Last night I had pears poached in burgundy wine and sprinkled with pumpkin pie spice, strawberries, raspberries, and several pieces of cheese. There is not hardship in this way of eating. In fact I've taken to arranging my food attractively on a plate so that I feel rather decadent and special. Deprivation is the enemy of healthy eating and I refuse to partake in it.

There have been some physical changes that have been positive. First of all my exzema on my ankles has all but gone. This may be due to having less sugar of the seasonal change, either way it's minimal right now. I also was sleeping really well due to the consumption of a certain tea. Until a few nights ago I tried a different brand and it didn't work as well. So I am back to the original brand today.

The most positive aspect of this experiment has been that the sugar cravings have almost completely subsided. Yes, I'm eating fruit which has a sweet element, but I don't crave them and I didn't finish the pears even, but it still amazes me that I'm not craving a cookie or a donut. I certainly did the first three nights. Somehow after the third night the cravings subsided drastically and haven't really returned.

I am playing it by intuition. I feel I will know when I am able to reintroduce small amounts of refined sugar back into my diet however I'm not there yet. I believe at this point it would lead to a tumble back to the beginning when the sugar cravings were at an all time high, the compulsive eating would return and I would need to start over.

Meanwhile I listened to my hypnosis recording this morning before I got up and I'm ready for another day of healthy eating.



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