Sugar crept back into my life and it's not a pretty picture. I'm actually quite fascinated by my complete and utter failure to avoid the trap of compulsive binging, wondering after all the self-searching and growth I've accomplished in the past while, how I possibly let myself fall back into those old habits so completely and without hesitation. One cookie, the catalyst for a binge of monumental proportions.

I thought I was ready. I thought I could handle one, just one cookie, but nope, not entirely there yet. In exploration of the past few days I found there were several events that led to my nap in sugar land.

First of all I've had visitors, my sister and her two kids and the house has had more pop, sugar, junk food of all manner occupying spaces in front of me for 10 days. It's very frustrating to see all this, it's particularly difficult to watch young girls drink diet pop regularly(my daughter has occasional pops but it's never in the house) and the donuts, muffins, oatmeal cookies were too much of a temptation for me.

Second of all, there was a neighbourhood picnic where the only thing I could eat was a potato salad and some crackers and cheese I brought myself. And of course desserts that were magnificent and oh, so tempting!

And the third reason and probably the reason I succumbed to the temptation in the first place, was the sudden and tragic death of an old friend in a motor cycle accident. I've been mourning the shock of the loss for three days, living in sort of a fog and consoling myself with all manner of goodies. In fact, the day I sampled the first cookie was the day I learned of his death. Are the two events tied together? For a compulsive and emotional eater such as myself, absolutely! The recognition of this and my mind's ability to excuse me for allowing this as an excuse is key to understanding what I do. What do I replace food with when faced with the next emotional unheaval? I must plan for that.

So now what? Well my company leaves today and whatever sweets are remaining will get dumped in the garbage. I will make myself a batch of the wonderful refined sugar-free banana muffins I love, buy my sugar-free bread again, some fresh fruit and veggies and cook myself my favourite honey-baked lentils for dinner. I will drink my healthy tea and I will listen to my weight loss hypnosis recording as I lay in bed tonight. All is not lost. Today is another day!

And this I will take from my regression. I am human, I make mistakes but I have an incredible capacity to remedy them as well. From this day forward I will again remove refined sugar from my diet. Because this time I know I can.

Affirmation: Forgiveness is key. I easily and without effort forgive myself and move forward. It takes time to re-record the new messages to replace the old in my mind. But I will succeed, I have succeeded. I will move on.



My Writing Blog